In the Beginning
by Kibo
Summary: We all know how Sesshomaru and InuYasha are now, but what were they like growing up? A look into Sesshomaru's inner thoughts in the form of a personal log. Rating may go up in the future.
1. The Gift

~*A/N: Ok, so Sesshomaru isn't necessarily my favorite character, but I do have respect for him. He always stays calm and cool, and I can't help but ask myself what happened in his life to make him this way, while Inu-Yasha is more controlled by his emotions. Other than the obvious, of course, which is that Sesshomaru is full demon, while Inu-Yasha is only half, and Sesshomaru had parents throughout his childhood, while Inu-Yasha did not. Since we don't get much history on the half-brothers, I thought I would provide my own explanation. Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inu-Yasha or any of its characters. Those rights belong to the talented Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
Chapter One: The Gift  
  
My 14th Birthday  
  
Today is the day of my birth, my age in human years is 14. This morning, my father was the one to awaken me. I opened my eyes to see him sitting over me, his eyes locking with mine when I awoke. "Sesshomaru," he spoke. "Happy birthday, my son." I was surprised, as we have never celebrated the anniversary of anyone's birth in our family before. I was aware of it as a human custom from my studies with Jaken. He then produced a package wrapped in blue silk, and placed it next to my futon. Still half-asleep, I watched as he stood and exited the room. After the door slid shut, I rolled over and picked up the package. After sitting up and unwrapping it, I was surprised to find a book. Opening the cover, I saw that the pages were all blank, save the first, on which my father had written a note. It read: 'Sesshomaru, this book is for you on the fourteenth anniversary of your birth. Upon turning fourteen, human boys are believed to become men. You are now old enough for you to begin training to take over as Lord of the Westernlands should anything ever happen to me. As part of that responsibility, you will begin to keep a log of your life, starting today. Every entry should give a brief description of the current situation of your life, as well as your thoughts on these things. It is for your sole benefit, and will be passed down to your son, as I will pass mine down onto you. It will give you an advantage over your opponents, being able to go back and recall past motivations, to find solace in happier times when you are in strife, and to allow you to analyze situations better. Document your activites well, my son.' I closed the book then, and examined the black leather cover. It is well made, and will last many years. So begins the first entry of the log of my life.  
  
My name is Sesshomaru, the only son of two inu-youkai. My father is the Great Lord of the Westernlands. My mother is his mate, a great and strong warrior. We all live together in my father's house, a castle of a cave in the greatest mountain of the west. My personal servant, Jaken, has been with me since my birth, instructing me in many things throughout my childhood. It is still difficult to think of myself as a man in my father's eyes, despite the fact that youkai age faster than mortals. My father's weapons-master, Gendo, has been training me in the ways of war since I was able to stand. He insists I learn how to fight with any weapon, as well as hand-to-hand. He explains that my father wishes me to be able to defend myself if necessary. I have a feeling that my training will only intensify now that I am of age. Jaken has just left my room, informing me that breakfast is ready and that I am expected in the dining hall. I will have to continue this later.  
  
It has been an eventful day. Following breakfast, I went to my usual morning lessons with Jaken. He teaches me many things, such as plants, animals, medicinal herbs, reading, writing, politics, ettiquette, cultures, other demons, and humans. Today's subject took me quite by surprise. He seemed almost nervous about the subject, and it took him quite some time to put his thoughts into words. I could smell the anxiety on him, and detected a fine sheen of sweat on his brow. As he began to broach the subject, I understood why. He detailed mating procedures among my kind, and explained how "men my age" often started to search for a mate. At this I turned up my nose. I have no desire to take a mate at this young age. My parents were many years older than I before they became mates. But ever the apt pupil, I listened carefully to his ministrations, absorbing all of the knowledge he imparted to me. When he finished, he sighed with relief. I could tell that he was uncomfortable, so I smiled at him. He then returned to yesterday's topic, demons who ruled the lands surrounding us, and the territories of the land surrounding us. When the lesson was exhausted, he excused me to lunch.   
  
Following lunch is weapons training, and I arrived at the dojo promptly to find my father speaking with Gendo. He watched our exercises today, and I exerted myself more than usual trying to prove myself to my father. I so want him to think of me as strong. Gendo praised my ability, and excused me to rest. I went to the hot spring within our cave to wash away the sweat of my exertions. As I was sitting there, the warm water easing the tension from my muscles, a young handmaiden entered the room. I smelt her long before she stood in the chamber. A neko-hanyou. For someone with human blood in her veins, she moved surprisingly stealthily. I did not turn around or open my eyes, speaking softly to acknowledge her presence. I could smell the tension radiating off of her. I wondered what about me frightened her so. I turned my head and opened my eyes as she approached the edge of the spring a few feet to my right. She nervously stripped herself of her kimonos, giving me a good view of her nude body before she slipped into the spring beside me. She approached slowly, a soft smile on her face, her eyes shining seductively. I inwardly chuckled, understanding dawning. She had been sent to offer herself to me. She offered to wash me, and I curiously accepted. My father apparently thought that Jaken's lessons weren't quite enough, and had sent this young neko to further instruct me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed her caresses. She, unlike I, was well instructed in the ways in which to pleasure a man, and pleasure me she did. When I felt empty and satiated, she smiled, kissed my cheek, dried herself, got dressed and left. I leaned against the edge of the pool, now sleepy. I slowly left and dressed myself, heading towards the smell of dinner.  
  
At dinner, my mother and father exchanged knowing glances as the same handmaiden served me. I now realize that I never asked her name. Oh, well, not that it's that important anyways. After finishing dinner, I went to excuse myself, but my father stopped me. He wanted me to sit in on a meeting with his council. I would have rather gone to the garden to meditate with my mother, but I understood that this was important. The council was boring, and I wondered how I had been so eager to listen in when I was younger. I never was allowed, of course, but I tried many times, caught and chastised each time by Jaken. In the past few years, my interest in my father's councils had waned, and now that I was there, I was bored. They discussed movements of mortal clans, as well as demonic foes. I listened and digested all that was said, as was expected of me, but when it was over and I was excused to my quarters, I was relieved. I bid my father and his council goodnight, and here I am. I am still unsure if I agree with father's opinion of you, but wait, did I just refer to you as a person? But you're just a book! Perhaps I am beginning to understand...  
  
~*A/N: So, wha'dya think? Good, bad, or indifferent? FYI I'm using the spelling of character's names as they are spelt in the translated English manga. Gendo and the neko-hanyou are characters of my own making, as will a few others to follow in the story. Since I am unsure of the names of Sesshomaru's parents (they haven't been given in English manga or anime anyways), and since it's first-person, I won't be giving them. I think that's all, so for now I'll just say r&r! Sayonara!*~ 


	2. The Daimyo

~*A/N: I will try to update this fic once a week. I am also working on my other fic "Dial 'H' for Hentai!", so I should be posting updates on both at regular intervals. FYI: I won't be giving entries for every single day, as there can't be something interesting always happening in young Sesshomaru's life, so I will be skipping ahead a bit. The amount of time listed at the beginning of each entry will be in reference to how long it's been since he received the journal. I realize that Jaken seems a little OOC right now, being an elder to Sesshomaru, but remember, he's only 14! The normal relationship will develop over time. Without further ado, here's chapter two. (Hey, that rhymed!) Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inu-Yasha and company. They belong to the talented Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
Chapter Two: The Daimyou  
  
Three Months  
  
The past few months have been irritatingly redundant, everyday the same as the last. Every morning, after breakfast, I go over my studies with Jaken. I find that I am learning little that is new, and the exercises in writing and math are dull. My mother has begun joining us almost everyday, teaching me of my ancestry. This is a break I relish from Jaken's tired ministrations. I find myself irritated by him now, his frog-like appearance disgusting. My mother and Jaken have been instructing me in history lately, making me memorize the names of the mortal leaders and their territories. I eagerly await lunch each day, anything to free me from these tiresome lessons.   
  
I continue to train with Gendo every afternoon, and lately he has been focusing on my newly found demon powers, particularly my venom claws. He is also instructing me on how to change from human to youkai form, and back again, and to control the transformation. He often tells me tales of my father, and the "trouble" they got themselves into growing up. Gendo is an inu youkai, like my father, and they have been friends since they were pups. My father once told me that Gendo is his most trusted advisor. Gendo and I have been sparring in our true forms as well as our human forms, and I have discovered that once transformed, I am almost as big as he. My father is ten times our size in his transformed state, but in his human form is not much taller than I, although broader in the shoulders. The sight of him transformed is enough to make his opponents quake with fear. I hoped to grow to a similar stature, but it appears I have stopped growing. Gendo reminds me everyday that "it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog." If anyone has proved that adage to be true, it would be Gendo.  
  
Following my training sessions, I always go to the hot spring to bathe before dinner. More often then not, the young neko hanyou will join me. I have discovered that her name is Rei, given to her by her mortal mother. Sometimes we just talk, and we have somewhat become friends, as well as lovers. But I have no interest in making her my mate. She is just a warm body to slake my desires, nothing more. I decided to tell her this today, and oddly enough, she just laughed. I realize now that I have no idea whatsoever what goes on inside the mind of a female. I do, however, know how to please their bodies. After all, Rei is an excellent teacher, and I am a quick learner. I enjoy our "lessons" together. Sometimes, I am almost reluctant to leave her and return to the family for supper. It's pleasant to forget about everyone and everything and to just give in to your natural instincts sometimes.  
  
Every evening after supper, I join my father and his council. I have found that each day I enjoy the councils more and more, and have even ventured to contribute my own opinion on rare occasions. Due to my usual silence, my statements are given heavy consideration, and any questions answered patiently. With my attendance, the members of the council make eight. My father sits at the head of our circle, myself to his left, Gendo to his right. The other five are demons of the Westernlands as well. To Gendo's right sits Abunai, another inu yokai, my mother's brother. To his right is is Kiri, his twin sister. To her right, Majuumi, an uma youkai. He is my father's war master, general of his great army. His speed is matched only by that of my father. To the right of him sits Chikara, a sune-ku youkai, my father's messenger and reconnaisance specialist. He is capable of sneaking up on any foe, killing them before they even notice his presence, making him my father's favorite assassin. Finally, to his right and my left, sits Kuroi, an ookami youkai, leader of the western tribes. Although inu and ookami are closely related species, there has always been competition between the two groups. My father and Kuroi have had a treaty since before I was born, giving aid to one another in times of need.  
  
The most common topic in council these past few months has been the wars between the mortal daimyou. Since Ashikaga Takauji established his shogunate in 1338, the ningen of this country have been at war with one another. There is no longer a single ruling government. The mortal wars have made it easier for us youkai to live peacefully these past few centuries. If they are too busy fighting one another, they have no time to worry about us, except as tales to children and objects of nightmares.  
  
Some nights, following the council, I will wander into the garden to meditate and ponder the discussions. I often find my mother there, meditating. The other night, I asked why she never attends the council, as do her brother and sister. She smiled at me, and explained that she had, until she became pregnant. She then wished to focus on being a mother, instead of as a warrior. She also told me that my father still told her all that was discussed, and asked for her advice each evening before bed. If need be, she will fight again, but for now, she is enjoying her peaceful life. It is odd for me to think of my kind and gentle mother, who cuddled and played with me when I was a pup, as a blood-thirsty warrior. I will have to remember to inquire after Jaken about this the next time she does not join us for my lessons.  
  
~*A/N: All historical information in this fic I researched off the net, at www.wsu.edu. Since we aren't given the exact years in the manga, nor the exact age difference between Inu-Yasha and Sesshomaru, I'm making an educated guess. Just to discount for any time discrepancies. So, good? Bad? Indifferent? Let me know! (In other words, review, onegai?!)*~  
  
A little vocabulary  
  
Uma - horse  
  
Ookami - wolf  
  
Sune-ku - snake  
  
Ningen - human  
  
Daimyou - feudal lords during the Muromachi period (15th and 16th centuries) 


	3. The Mortal Wars

~*A/N: Writer's block! *holds up blue block with white lettering reading "writer's"* Now in four new colors! Purple, black, red, and gold! I personally prefer the original blue color, but that's just me... Anyways... *throws "writer's" block over shoulder* If only it were that easy... *sigh* Sorry for the ramblings... On with chapter three!*~  
  
Thank you Miroku Houshi-sama for your spelling correction. That was how it was spelt on my information source. I have corrected and re-posted chapter two.  
  
DISCLAIMER: *sigh* First writer's block, now this. Does it look like I own it? C'mon people...  
  
Chapter Three: The Mortal Wars  
  
Six Months  
  
Today was rather eventful. After my usual routine of breakfast, lessons, lunch, training, and dinner, was another council. However, today the movements of the ningen were much more urgent than the past few months. It appears that the daimyous are attempting to acquire more lands, and sending their samurai to conquer and settle lands closer to my father's territory. Earlier this week, my father's sentinels reported scouts appearing near the borders. My father growled at this news, and ordered that anymore scouts discovered were to be killed on-site, their carcasses sent back to their masters as a warning. Apparently, this only enraged the bloodthirsty samurai, who sent a group of their best warriors to ambush one of my father's sentinels. The poor youkai was found by his commander when he failed to report in, and was almost unrecognizable. He had been tied to a tree by his limbs, spread-eagled against the trunk. By the wounds on his body, they had slowly tortured him with blades and flame before beheading him. A note written in blood was stabbed through with a knife to his chest. The hilt of the blade bore the insignia of the Hosokawa clan.  
  
When Chikara presented the blood-stained sheet of rice paper to my father, his growl resonated throughout the silent hall. He glared at no one in particular, handing the note to Gendo, who read aloud, "Great Youkai Lord of the Westernlands, we have taken great offence to your treatment of our comrade. If our daimyou wishes to acquire land within your territory, then we will fulfill those wishes. Any threats of violence will be repayed in the like." Gendo crumpled the note in his angry fist. My father's growl rose to a crescendo, "This is war." He muttered the words, but they cut through the silence in the room like a knife. All looked to him with wide eyes, myself included. I have never seen my father so enraged. I was later informed by my mother that the inu youkai who had been slaughtered was the son of one of my father's deceased friends. As soon as he had come of age, he had enlisted in my father's army, and my father vowed to keep him safe. He had failed his dead friend, and the only way to regain his lost honor is to take revenge.  
  
I was further shocked to find that my mother intends to lead a battalion into war herself. When she saw my shocked face, she smiled reassuringly, and I relaxed a fraction. Doubts still cloud my mind. I have never seen my mother anything but gentle and caring, although she could be stern, as she was when disciplining me as a child. I finally had the opportunity to pose my questions to Jaken yesterday, seeing as she was busy elsewhere and unable to attend that morning's lessons. At first, Jaken appeared nervous, his eyes darting about the room and speaking in hushed tones. As he explained, however, he gained confidence and spoke more clearly and forcefully. He briefly described many battles that my mother had fought by my father's side, and touched on the subject of how they met and fell in love. My grandfather had done this purposefully, of course, putting them in the same unit so that they would form a bond through battle. I absently wondered if they would attempt the same with me. It had certainly worked for them. They had saved each other's lives countless times against foes, human and youkai alike. This trust developed on the battlefield, transferred to their lives off of it. Jaken slowly digressed, his eyes gaining a far-away look as he recounted the ceremony that followed their mating, and their anticipation of my birth. I listened to his musings silently, as he slipped into a conversation seemingly with himself. He muttered something about how following my birth my mother had "softened".  
  
I scowled at this comment, a slight growl escaping my lips. He flinched at the sound, snapping back to reality. A sweatdrop appeared on his brow, and I could smell the fear radiating off of him. When did Jaken become so afraid of me? I silenced the growl, smoothing my scowl into a smirk. His fear receded slightly, but still remained. Yes, definately afraid of me. Good. I thanked him for the information, and returned to my writing lessons, and heard an almost inaudible sigh come from his direction. I wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for my youkai hearing, so wrapped up as I was in worry for my mother. Fourteen years since she put aside her armor and sword to focus on being a mother, on me. I am her weakness. I know my father will insist I fight in this war, and part of me hungers for it like I have never hungered for anything in my life. The other part of me hesitates, knowing that my presence will place my mother in danger. I will just have to train harder, to ensure that I will not need her aid during the battles ahead. I must not be weak.  
  
~*A/N: Ha! Take that writer's block! So, whaddya think? Any good? Well, I'm gonna keep writing whether you like it or not, so there! *sticks out tongue impishly* Ja ne!*~ 


	4. Rinsuke

~*A/N: Kibo, the violet-haired vixen, here! Another chapter for all of you lovely people! Many thanks to my new reviewers: LadyKouga, Pai Yuy, Tangi, mr. m16, Midnight-Chaos-Flame, and Sesshy-is-kewl! Hope y'all enjoy the next chapter!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inu-Yasha. It all is the sole property of one Rumiko Takahashi. Lucky...  
  
Chapter Four: Rinsuke  
  
Six Months, Two Weeks  
  
The past two weeks have been filled with war councils. My morning lessons with Jaken have ceased. Instead, I spend the mornings with my father's council, discussing strategy, troop placement, and observing on how to command the forces my father wields. He has increased the forces he has guarding the border, preventing any of the ningen from even nearing his lands. War should begin within the next two months. I am so eager to fight, to show my parents how much I have learned under Gendo's instruction. The thought of my mother's weakness always nips at me from the back of my mind, a biting reminder. I try to suppress it and focus on my training.  
  
Today, following the most rigorous training I have had with Gendo yet, I once again went to the hot spring. Rei did not join me, for the first time this week. I had noticed at the midday meal that she had a small girl trailing behind her. A NINGEN girl. Normally, it would not affect me, but with the pending war with the Hosokawa clan has me on edge. Apparently, my father had allowed this ningen into his home, and I suppose a child poses no major threat. Still, I wondered what her connection was to Rei.  
  
Prior to the evening council, I took my dinner alone in my room. Rei served me, the small girl in her wake. Curious, I questioned Rei about the child. She explained that the girl is her half-sister, who was sent to her following her mother's death. Apparently, her mother, a ningen, was impregnated by her lord, also a ningen, and had passed away recently due to an illness that had swept their village. The girl had survived, and shunned by the lord, was sent to her sister. I learned that the child's name is Rinsuke, and my parents had taken pity on the poor thing.  
  
The evening council was more discussions of battalion organization and movement. I found it rather boring, but labored to pay attention. Kiri was the first to notice my blinking lids and stifled yawns, and whispered to my father. As his gaze shifted up to acknowledge me for the first time, I held my eyes wide open, returning his gaze. He smiled, dismissing me with a wave. Greatfully, I took my leave to the garden, hoping for some fresh air before bed. There I found my mother. She sat on a bench, staring up at the stars. I sat beside her, and she began speaking without looking at me.  
  
She told me of how Rinsuke had appeared on our doorstep, alone, frightened, and rather disheveled. My mother was called to the door by her handmaiden, and swept the dirty child up into her arms, carrying her to her chambers. It took her some time to pry a stuttering explanation from the frightened girl, until she had distinguished enough of her speech to have Rei summoned. The two cleaned up and dressed the girl. I mentally picture her now, and cannot imagine her frightened or dirty. She seems to smile constantly, and I have often heard her giggles throughout the day. Her black hair just reaches her shoulders, and is shiny and appears healthy.  
  
My mother continued to explain the details of how Rinsuke came to be in our charge, filling in a few details to Rei's bare-bones explanation from earlier. As I returned to my chambers for the night, I saw Rinsuke in the hall, headed towards Rei's chambers. I absently smiled. For some reason, the child has already endeared herself to me, although my initial reaction was that of repulsion. For her to still smile and laugh after all she has been through, the death of her mother, rejection by her father, being sent to live with strangers... youkai, no less... it takes immense courage. Courage unmatched by any other her age, youkai and ningen alike. Is this feeling... admiration? Do I admire the strength I see in this young ningen girl?  
  
Who would have thought, this Sesshomaru, admiring a ningen?  
  
~*A/N: There, another chapter done. I know I said I would update once a week, but, well, I have no excuse. Gomen nasai. I had to come up with a reason why Sesshomaru has such a connection to Rin, and I think this will serve. Rinsuke will be mentioned in future chapters to explain further. I also feel the need to explain why I use the term "ningen" instead of "human", other than my desire to include Japanese terms. Some words in Japanese are just better than those in English, such as "hanyou". I like it so much better than "half-breed". And "ningen" has more meanings than just "a human being"; it also means "humanity; character, personality". I find it to be a more all-encompassing term for the mortals that the Sesshomaru of Rumiko Takahashi so hates. He doesn't just hate humans, he hates humanity as a whole. Sorry for the long a/n... some things just needed explaining. So, go review now. Onegai? And I promise this time I'll review within a week. Well, I'm feeling a little dizzy with sleep, so ja ne for now!*~ 


	5. Onward

~*A/N: So I lied. It's been more than a week. But I was busy finishing "Dial 'H' for Hentai!" and starting my new fic, "Love Remains". In other words, my mind was otherwise occupied. After posting the last chappy, I realized it was rather short. This one should be longer. So here it is, the next chapter. Hope it was worth the wait. And thanks again Hakurei for reviewing! Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inu-Yasha; it belongs to the wonderful and talented Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
Chapter Five: Onward  
  
Nine Months  
  
Today was the third day that Gendo and I did not train. When I asked him, he merely said, "You're ready. Besides, there is too much to do and too little time. We need you to help prepare, as well." So I did as I was told, organizing supplies and ordering up transports. We leave tomorrow morning for the battleground. I am anxious, eager to put my skills into practice. I have trained alone, when I could find the time, although it is difficult to fight without an opponent.  
  
My mother has become distant, often meditating in the garden. Today I watched unseen as she sparred against Kiri in the dojo. It was an amazing sight. I never knew my caring mother could be a ruthless warrior. I look forward to fighting by her and father's sides. Today we were also informed of how our council would be split up. My father and mother will command one battalion, I will assist Gendo in commanding another. Kiri and Abunai will each command their own, while Majuumi, Chikara, and Kuroi will command battalions of their own kind.  
  
At this new, my heart sank. My parents and I will most likely not fight closely on the same battlefield, and I wished to have them witness my success. Part of me knows it is for the best. They will already be distracted by keeping watch over one another, I would merely be another distraction. My father is a capable and experienced leader, and I have no right to question his decisions.  
  
Jaken has taken the position of my personal assistant, my vassal. He takes my orders, and sees that they are followed through. Observing him these past few days, I see that he is enjoying his position of power. He holds his head high, his chest puffed out like a bullfrog calling in the night.  
  
Rei has been given command of the servants who will be accompanying us. Kitchen staff, medical workers, handservants, all under her orders. Rinsuke follows her around, trying her best to help. I marvel at the young girl's courage. Despite her youth, she is a great help. When delivering a message to Jaken this morning, the youkai had balked at her commanding tone, and called her an "insolent ningen". I filled with rage at his treatment of the youngster, uttering a low growl to keep him in check. It is, after all, his job to assist Rei in organizing the supplies.  
  
At his words, Rinsuke had stared at the floor, disheveled raven bangs hiding her brown eyes. I noticed her little fists balled with tension, assuming her smiling eyes were now shining with sadness as tears fell. This courageous little imp of a ningen shot her head up, her eyes glaring with anger. I had stepped toward the kaeru youkai, my arm stretched out to grab him by the shoulder. The rage on the child's face causing me to stop in my tracks, my mouth dropping open in shock.  
  
She grit her teeth as she spoke, her words tinged with bitterness, "Jaken-sama, Rinsuke just was doing what Rei told her to do. If you do not like it, talk to Rei." And with that, she stomped away. I quickly recovered, then trying to cover up the chuckle that threatened to burst from my throat. Jaken turned to me, his eyes wide, his mouth agape as mine had been. He sputtered, then seeing there was no sympathy for him in my eyes, turned and scuttled off to do as Rinsuke had commanded him. I pondered the child's use of the third-person in reference for herself, before realizing I had more important things to attend to.  
  
That evening, following dinner, I went to the hot springs to wash away the days exertions, and to gather my thoughts for the approaching journey. I was starting to nod off, when I heard soft steps approaching from behind me. The scent on the air told me that it was Rei, and although Rinsuke's scent clung to her like a kimono, she was alone. She joined me in the spring, and for awhile I lost myself in her warm body. When both of our desires had been slaked, I inquired after Rinsuke's past.  
  
Rei explained that the girl had a happy childhood, until the death of their mother. Youkai had killed their mother, and ningen had turned her away. She felt alone in the world until she had come here. Although a few youkai antagonized her here, they were mostly harmless, as long as my parents vowed protection to the child. Rei had served our family well for years, her father had been on good terms with my parents prior to his death, so their family was our family. We protect our own.  
  
I had recalled Rinsuke's odd way of referring to herself, and asked Rei how the child had acquired such an odd habit. Rei smiled fondly, as if looking at a pleasant memory. Apparently, her mother had spoken to her in the same way, her own form of "baby talk", as the ningen labelled it. Rei had been with my family since she was five, and had quickly grown out of the childish habit, but since Rinsuke was seven, the habit was more ingrained into her. Rei assured me that it would be corrected if it displeased me. I chuckled, smirking at the neko hanyou. After reassuring her that I found it endearing, she softened. My eyes had started to drift shut throughout the conversation, so Rei urged me to rest. After all, tomorrow is a big day, and I would need my rest.  
  
Yes, tomorrow is a big day. And I realize all too well that every second of rest will be needed.  
  
~*A/N: Yay! Another chappy done. Gomen again for the wait. Check out my new fic, "Love Remains". Kinda angsty, but I promise it'll get a little happier, eventually. Well, have to work early tomorrow, so ja ne, minna!*~ 


	6. I Must Not Soften

~*So I haven't updated in a while... Gomen! I was out of town for a week, so, no 'puter. I'll try to make this chappy extra long for y'all, then. K? K. Now on with it.*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: *pouts* If I have to type this one more time...  
  
Chapter Six: I Must Not Soften...  
  
Ten Months  
  
We have been travelling at a leisurely pace for the past month. Gendo has informed me that we will be reaching our destination by nightfall tomorrow. There we will make camp. My parents will set up their camp at the center of the western border, Abunai and Kiri at the far northern edge, myself and Gendo at the far southern edge, with the clans of Majuumi, Chikara, and Kuroi interspersed between the three of us. The ningen of the Hosokawa clan will not be able to approach the western border with this force guarding it. Until they attack, my father has ordered our forces to wait.  
  
The past month has been tedious, although our pace has been slow. When I questioned Gendo about our speed, he merely said, "It is as my lord has commanded. Besides," he had smiled here, "we don't want to wear out the women before we even begin the battle." He had laughed then, a light-hearted laugh. As if sharing a joke on a warm summer's day. How he can act so carefree when we march towards battle, I do not know.  
  
Rei has been very busy, keeping up morale among her charges. Little Rinsuke, however, seems as determined as ever. In my little free time, I watch her run here and there, delivering messages, relaying orders, performing menial tasks such as gathering firewood and water. While the soldiers are anxious, many of the servants are forlorn. They go about their duties with somber faces, as if they were following us to their doom. Rei has quite a task in reminding them that their masters would never lead them to certain death, that they should trust us with their lives, as we have always protected them. I do not envy the young hanyou; we have placed a great weight on her small shoulders.  
  
I have not seen much of Rei, except during mealtimes and occasional glances as she moves around the camp. I find myself actually missing her company, the talks we used to have. She has become a good friend to me, as well as a lover. I do not, however, find my emotions going beyond this. I do not feel the bond between her and I that would require taking her as my mate. Rei is simply a companion, someone to fill the empty space until I find the right one. I begin wondering if I shall ever take a mate. First, I will have to survive this war. As we near the front lines, I find my nervousness overtaking my excitement. What if something goes wrong? What if my parents are hurt? Or Gendo? Or Abunai or Kiri? Kami-sama forbid, something should happen to any of them, or any of the other members of the council. What if Rei or Rinsuke are killed or taken prisoner? Jaken taught me that servants are often taken, women especially desirable. Children are easy to control. They would be prime targets. As their lord, it is my responsibility to protect them. I will protect them, with my own life if necessary. I could not live with the guilt otherwise.  
  
The journey has been rather uneventful, messengers of the Uma clan galloping back and forth between armadas, delivering orders from my father. Most are simple, "Stop traveling for one day," or "No change in the position of the enemy." I long for some action, and have begun wandering into the woods near camp when I can. Tonight, I will take another of my walks, and perform kata exercises until I am exhausted. My body feels stiff and useless, and I use these exercises to stay in shape.  
  
Jaken's screeching voice has come to annoy me of late, and I find myself growling at the poor kaeru youkai more and more. I feel guilty now, thinking of how much he has taught me over the years. Now, however, he is my vassal, my underling. Perhaps it is just my natural instincts to show ferocity, to keep him afraid so he maintains his respect. If he had not become a quivering gelatinous blob of late, I would not use his weakness against him. Occasionally, we fall back into the roles of teacher and student, but those occurrences are happening less and less.  
  
As I write this, I glance around my tent. A fire burns warmly in the center, a hole cut above it to vent the smoke. Gendo is asleep across from me on his bed of furs, maps littering the ground beside it. We have the doorflaps pulled back to allow the warm southern breeze, and I hear only the crackle of the flames and twitters of forest creatures. All is quiet in the camp, most are sleeping, with the exception of the night guard. Oh, now, what is this? Apparently, another is awake. Rinsuke is peeking around one of the door flaps. I nearly missed her scent, covered by the fragrant smoke from the fire. Should I acknowledge her prescence? Perhaps if I ignore her she will simply go away.  
  
I hear a quiet, "Sesshomaru-sama?" whispered from the door. It would be inaudible if not for my youkai hearing. No chance for her going away, then. I'll have to finish this after she is gone.  
  
Rinsuke has finally fallen asleep. After she called to me, I waved her over, coldly gazing at her, unblinking. I must not soften toward this child. "Rinsuke had a nightmare," she admitted finally, clutching her hands together near her chest. I snorted at her, and asked why she had come to me then. "Rinsuke did not want to be alone. Rei is busy, and needs her rest. Rinsuke did not want to wake her. Will you let Rinsuke stay until she falls asleep?"  
  
I found myself having to turn away from her pleading eyes, so frightened, pleading for my aid. How have I let this ningen get to me? I once wished for a sibling to play with, but my parents decided that one was enough. My father required only one heir. Now I feel myself thinking of Rinsuke as that younger sister I never had, requiring her older brother's protection.  
  
She had placed her hand on mine, rousing me from my thoughts. I turned once again toward her to be met by her deep brown eyes. In them I saw loss, despair, sorrow, and most of all, fear. Emotions she never exhibited to me before. My overwhelming instinct to protect broke my hardened exterior. I did not smile, but nodded. She crawled beside me, curling up on the soft furs of my bed, and placed her head in my lap. I resisted the urge to run my fingers through her raven hair. I must not soften toward this child.  
  
Rinsuke's breathing is deep and rhythmic, her small hand clutching the cloth of my hakama. I cannot help but smile down at her. Now that she is unconscious, I can give into my previous urge. I let my fingers slip through her raven locks. It feels soft as silk. My exercises will have to be left until tomorrow. Rinsuke needs her rest. I must make sure that she is gone before Gendo awakens, though, or there will be questions asked that I do not wish to answer. Until then, I will enjoy the comfort she gives me. What is it about this child that soothes me? Why do I trust her to be near me while I sleep?  
  
Perhaps I will never know the answers myself.  
  
Review Responses:  
  
Hakurei: Another chappy for ya! Hope you liked!  
  
~*Awww.... kawaii! Who knew Sesshy was so sweet? Gomen again for the long wait everyone! Please review and let me know what you think. Ja ne, minna!*~ 


	7. Waiting

~*A/N: Yay! Another chapter! Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: *raises right hand and places left on bible* I swear that I do not own Inu-Yasha & Co... ...but I do own my OC's!  
  
Chapter 7: Waiting  
  
Eleven Months  
  
Kami-sama, how I detest waiting. I am normally a patient person, but even I cannot stand the tension in the air. I feel as a prisoner waiting for his execution. Not that I plan to die in any of the battles to come, but I do feel as if I am waiting for the axe to fall. We reached the front lines almost a month ago, and no moves have been made by the Hosokawa clan. The daily messages from my father continue to be the same, "Let the ningen make the first move." Ah, how the time stretches out with little to do.  
  
The air in the camp is thick and anxious. Our soldiers are itching for battle, for the scent of blood. The servants have settled into a routine, which is comforting to them. They are less downcast, although I often catch them flitting their paranoid eyes around the camp.  
  
Rinsuke has made a habit of visiting my tent late at night, ever since the first time, a month ago. At first, she claimed nightmares as her reason, but as of late, I have exposed that for the falsehood it has become. When I confronted her about it, perhaps it was the seventh occurrence, she averted her gaze to the ground. I ordered her to look at me, and saw shame in her eyes, laced with a slight fear. I asked if she was afraid of me, and she shook her head violently. When asked what she feared, she replied, "Rinsuke no want Sesshomaru-sama to send her away. Rinsuke is afraid to be alone again."  
  
I had to struggle to keep my face cold and distant. After all that this child has been through, after protecting her this long, she still believes I would cast her out? Not even I could be so cruel. I gripped both of her arms, waiting until she looked into my eyes. I then reassured her that I would never take her away from Rei. As long as she serves us, she will be under our protection. That applies to her family as well.  
  
At this news, Rinsuke gushed, "Sesshomaru-sama!", throwing her arms around my neck. This sudden embrace startled me, and my gaze darted around to make sure no one had seen this exchange. Assured of our privacy, I reluctantly unlatched the child's grip. Suddenly concerned she had behaved incorrectly, Rinsuke clasped her hands together at her waist, and studied the ground intently. I observed her behavior for a few minutes before cooly telling her she may stay if she wished. The look of joy in her tearful eyes when she looked up at me pierced my heart. She did not hesitate to climb onto my bed and curl up, once again, with her head on my lap. As I write this, she lays there, clutching my hakama in her small hand, sleeping soundly.  
  
A few days ago, I had snuck off once again to perform my kata in the woods nearby. As I was practicing with my sword, I heard a rustling in the bushes nearby. I altered my course slightly so that I landed in front of the source of the sound, my blade pointed. Inches from my blade was a neck. Rei's neck. I quickly sheathed my weapon as she stuttered out an apology. I dismissed it with a wave, and asked why she had followed me.  
  
Rei regained her composure, and thanked me for my consideration towards her half-sister. I blinked at her with wide-eyed confusion. How did she know? Apparently, she had awoken one night and noticed Rinsuke gone. She had followed her scent to my tent, and there discovered the two of us asleep. The next morning, finding Rinsuke returned to her bed, she questioned the child. Rinsuke haltingly explained herself, and had waited to be chastised. Rei told me that she had advised the girl to not bother me, but realized she had not heeded her warning.  
  
I again waved it off, telling Rei that the child did no harm. Of course, I would never admit to the pleasure I felt in the ningen's company. Rei stood staring at me, shock evident in her face. As an explanation, I told Rei of how I used to go to my father in the same way when I was frightened as a child. Rei's face softened, and she smiled, wrapping me in her embrace. "Thank you," she whispered into my ear.  
  
Speaking of Rei, I discern her scent nearby. Ah, there she is. She's smiling tenderly at me. At Rinsuke. At my hand. My hand, which is absently stroking Rinsuke's hair. Oh, no. Perhaps I'll finish this later.  
  
I am still not quite ready to sleep. I bask in this moment, in this feeling of completion. Rei had silently padded over to my bed, kneeling before me and leaning over me. She then whispered into my ear, "I never got to thank you properly." Gently, she removed my hakama from Rinsuke's grip, and slid the child over slightly. Unconcerned with awaking either Gendo or Rinsuke, she took me to the brink of ecstacy and back again, to the brink again, and finally, over it. Now, that is the kind of thank you I could get used to.  
  
So here I sit on my bed, Rinsuke's head again in my lap, her small hand again clutching my hakama. Behind her lies Rei, her head resting on my thigh, her arm protectively wrapping around Rinsuke's waist. Although I love neither of them, I feel content, complete. Perhaps I will fully savor this feeling someday, when I have a mate and pups of my own. Until then, I will enjoy this taste of the future, of what may be. I know I should wake them and send them back to their own tent, but I hesitate. Just a little longer.  
  
A voice in the back of my head reminds me, I must not soften...  
  
Hakurei-chan: Arigato again for your review! But WHEN will you update?! I, unlike Sesshomaru, am very impatient! ~_^  
  
~*A/N: Awww... another sweet little interlude. You all are going to really hate me later, but it's a necessary evil. You'll see what I mean in a few chapters. Until then, review! And let me know what you think so far. Gomen, minna! Ja!*~ 


	8. Finally!

~*A/N: Kibo, the violet-haired vixen, here with another chapter of "In The Beginning..." Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Inu-Yasha characters. They only romp around my brain at night giving me weird dreams.  
  
WARNING: This chapter will include graphic depictions of battle scenes. If any of you have weak stomachs, I advise not reading.  
  
Chapter 8: Finally!  
  
One Year  
  
Today is my fifteenth birthday. In honor of that, our first battle was today. I awoke this morning with Gendo, as has become habit since we first made camp here two months ago. We had just sent for our breakfast when Chikara slithered silently into our tent. "I have newsss," was his form of a greeting. At first I was shocked, for our messages up until today had all been brief, and delivered by the uma of Majuumi's clan. Although the silvery scaled youkai is my father's official messenger, the speed of the uma was used for the informal messages. Chikara's prescence meant only one thing: something is starting. It must be something big, or my father would not have bothered. Secrecy is needed in this message, something that could not be achieved by the uma. I listened intently as Chikara delivered his message.  
  
"Lassst night, while mossst of the camp lay sssleeping, an arrow was ssshot into the camp. It was dissscovered thisss morning, outssside the door to your parent'sss tent. Tied onto it was a red flag bearing the mark of the Hosssokawa clan. Battle will commenssce at sssunrissse." At this news, both Gendo and I looked outside. The sun was just beginning to turn the sky pink. It was dawn. That gave us maybe an hour to gather the troups. Chikara began to speak again, "At sssunrissse, the two of you will bring a group of fifty sssoldiersss to the front linesss, infantry only. The ressst of us will do likewissse. Tonight..." He trailed off as Rei entered the tent, a tray in hand. She bowed, and averted her gaze to the ground as she placed the tray in front of where she stood. She bowed once more as I nodded, dismissing her. She promptly turned and disappeared from sight. My gaze lingered for awhile where she had stood, until the slithering of Chikara's voice caught my attention. "Tonight," he continued, "a group of my finessst asssssasssssin'sss will sssneak into the camp of the enemy, killing assss many high-ranking officerssss assss posssssible."  
  
I was beginning to become irritated with his "hissing" voice, and retrieved our breakfast. I set it between the three of us as Gendo discussed this strategy with Chikara, and poured three cups of tea. I idly wondered how Rei had known to bring enough for Chikara as well. I ate in silence, ignoring the discussions between the two youkai beside me. I was snapped out of my reverie by Chikara's hissing. "SSSSesssshomaru-sama." How I despise that hissing. "Until we meet again." And with that, he bowed and slithered out of the tent.  
  
I turned to Gendo, a scowl still on my face. Gendo smirked at me, asking, "What is it that has my young Lord so upset?" I merely growled in return, taking the last bite of my riceball, then drank the last swallow of tea. I stood and dressed for battle, quickly pulling on my armor and tying the sheath of my sword to my belt. I turned to find Gendo still leisurely eating his breakfast. I quirked an eyebrow when he looked up, and he merely smiled in return. When I asked why he was taking his time, he smiled again, then sipped his tea. I was growing extremely irritated, and let it show with a low growl. He simply responded, "Happy Birthday, Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
My jaw dropped in disbelief. How could he be so calm at a time like this? Gendo sipped the last of his tea, then stood and smiled at me again. "Ah, the eagerness of youth," he sighed, stretching. I once again quirked an eyebrow at his behavior, and he approached me. He rested his hand on my shoulder, looking deep into my eyes. "Today we see how well I have trained you, ne?" and winked, turning to dress himself. I stared at him in shock for a few more seconds, before shaking my head to regain my composure. I placed the now-empty tray by the door of the tent, and waited for Gendo to finish preparing. I watched out the door, and saw soldiers walking by in full battle dress. Apparently, Gendo had already dispatched his orders. No wonder he was taking his time.  
  
I jumped, startled, as a hand touched my shoulder. I spun around, hand going to the hilt of my sword. Gendo chuckled, raising a hand in defence. "A little edgy this morning, aren't we?" he asked after his laughter had calmed. I merely growled in response, and followed his still chuckling form to the group of soldiers which had now gathered. Some sat, some stood. A few were grouped together speaking in hushed tones. Others were stretching and swinging around their swords in practiced motions. Gendo cleared his throat, and all activity stopped. It took mere seconds, and no command, for the youkai to fall into perfectly lined rows. I observed them, standing there as still as statues. They were all strong inu youkai, dressed in armor with swords tied around their waists. Not that they'd need them. Once transformed to their "true" forms, they would slash with claws and rip flesh with teeth.  
  
Gendo made short work of orders; nothing intricate was needed. All they needed to know was to kill any ningen in the vicinity. Grins popped up on a few faces, the hunger for blood showing in their eyes. When Gendo called out "Move out!", the soldiers did an abrupt about-face, and began marching east. As the sun poked its head above the horizon, the morning's mist dispersed to show a line of soldiers a kilometer east of us. Just north of us, I detected the shapes of ookami soldiers marching alongside of us. "Company, halt!" rippled through the air, called out by each commander.  
  
Both sides stood facing each other motionless, as the sun cleared the horizon. For a moment I could've convinced myself that this was just another peaceful morning, as a bird called out its joyous morning song. That thought was shattered as a battle cry erupted from both sides, drowning out the morning bird's cries. Bodies collided in a cataclysmic upheaval. Blood sprayed from ningen and youkai alike, and having scented ningen blood, I felt my own blood lust rise. A hand gripped my shoulder, and I turned to see Gendo staring at me, his gaze now serious. He slowly shook his head, and I felt the blood lust recede. I relaxed, and Gendo released my shoulder. I turned back to watch the fight unfold.  
  
I watched as transformed inu youkai picked up screaming Hosokawa soldiers, blood dripping from their jaws as their foes slowly stilled. Flailing limbs fell limp, blood dripping off of fingers. The carcasses were tossed to the side as a new target was acquired. All of the troops were mixing together, and I could see ookami wading through bloodied corpses, pausing to lick blood from their claws before attacking their next target. Here and there slithered a sune-ku, who snuck up on their prey, before sinking long fangs into flesh. At first, the ningen would lash out, attempting to release themselves from the fatal bite. Gradually their movements would become clumsy, and finally they would go limp, the poison having paralyzed them. The sune-ku would then release its prey, letting the poison finish them off.  
  
Farther north, I caught sight of a few uma, who trampled the ningen beneath their strong hooves. Blood sprayed, and soon I could no longer discern whether it belonged to ningen or youkai, much less the individual owner. I understood why Gendo wished for me to stay in the background. I turned to look directly north, and saw the strong profile of my parents, and further back my aunt and uncle. Spaced between them were Chikara, Majuumi, and Kuroi. "The leaders do not fight in the first battles, we only observe, so as to learn more of our enemy," Gendo spoke from behind me, confirming my suspicions. "As do they," he said, his hand beside my head, pointing eastward. I raised my eyes from the battle before me, to see a group of men atop horses on the hill across from me. They were grouped close together, obviously discussing something, although their eyes never left the scene before them.  
  
"Chikara will have memorized their faces already, and will give their descriptions to his assassins this evening. His hissing may annoy you, my Lord, but his assistance is invaluable to us." I nodded as an answer, my eyes again being drawn by the bloody mess in front of me. The sight was revolting, and yet, I found I could not look away. An ookami drove his hand into a ningen's stomach, pulling out entrails with his hand. He raised the organs to his mouth, sucking blood off of them, as their former owner watched, still alive. Not for long, though, for the ningen slowly sunk to his knees, eyes still wide, trained on the youkai grinning evilly down at him.  
  
My eyes trailed over to an uma nearby, who had reared up on his hind legs to relentlessly bash in the face of his opponent. Even after the ningen was an unrecognizable ball of mushy goo on the ground before him, the uma continued to stomp him into oblivion. The sun climbed high into the sky as the battle raged on. I began to pace slightly, my legs were beginning to feel stiff with disuse. The sun had nearly reached the western horizon again before the battle was ended. The few living ningen had looked around for comrades, but finding most of them dead, turned and ran. The youkai simply let them, and a shout of triumph came from the troops. Cheers erupted from bloodied throats, and the wounded were carried or supported as the troops turned westward to their respective camps. A few remained to take care of the dead. All in all, we lost perhaps a quarter of the forces we had brought to battle that day.  
  
On the way back to camp, the soldiers erupted into victorious song. The song waned as we neared camp, exhaustion finally overtaking them. Servants rushed towards them as we entered camp, carrying off the wounded towards the first aid tents. Although youkai have rapid healing, some wounds were worse than others, and those who couldn't move under their own power needed immediate attention. Rei stood in the midst of the organized chaos, shouting orders. She turned her head towards me, dropping off mid-sentence. A gasp escaped her lips, her eyes large. I then realized I was covered in blood and dirt. She approached me cautiously, her hands reaching out to me. "It's not mine," I told her, and headed towards my tent.  
  
I had only removed my sword and armor before I heard soft footsteps behind me. I whirled around to find Rei holding a wash basin, worry and concern etched into her youthful face. Steam rose from the basin, and she set it down next to my bed. I let her push me into a sitting position and reassure herself by cleansing me from the grime that coated my body. When I was clean enough for her satisfaction, she brought me clean clothing. After I had dressed, she left, basin in hand. She had remained silent the entire time. A few minutes later, Rinsuke came with a tray of food and sake. She set it down near my bed, bowing and hurrying away. She also had been silent. I scented worry and despair on the child. I hope that the appearance of the weary soldiers has not upset her.  
  
Where in the seven hells did that thought come from? As I pondered this thought, Gendo returned. I looked up as he entered, and he grunted in greeting before collapsing onto his bed in exhaustion. His breathing became deep and rhythmic immediately. I silently ate my meal, and drained the jar of sake. The warm liquid had made me drowsy, so I napped lightly. Rei shook my shoulder gently to wake me. The sky had darkened since I fell asleep, and a fire had been lighted. Gendo was gone. I turned my gaze back to her, and noticed that her features had softened since she left me last.  
  
Rei still remained silent, pushing back on my shoulders so I was lying down again. She disrobed both of us, and I lost myself in the pleasures of the flesh. She lay on top of me, panting, both of our bodies covered in sweat. Then I realized the moisture on my shoulder wasn't just from our exertions, it was tears. She was crying. "Gomen, Sesshomaru-sama. I was just so worried when I saw you all bloody." Worse. She was crying for me. I gently ran my claws over her back in comforting circles. She then gave in to her sobbing. I ran my hand through her hair, unsure of how to comfort the crying hanyou. She eventually recovered, still sniffling through her apologies. I kissed her gently on the forehead, and she smiled at me.  
  
After having dressed, she headed for the door, but stopped just as she reached it. She turned her head towards me, smiling. "Happy birthday, Sesshomaru-sama." Then she was gone. I stared at that place for awhile, before turning to you. You are constant, unjudging, uncomplicated. So unlike the neko hanyou that confuses me so. Does she love me? I shiver at the thought. Although I will admit caring for her, I don't need her love. Her tears were an unexpected turn. I did not think my fate would affect her so. Now I am even more resolved to not let this war affect those around me, those I care about, those I must protect. But still her final words echo in my mind.  
  
"Happy birthday..."  
  
Was it only a year ago that this journey of self-discovery began? Have I really changed so much in such a short time? Has so much really happened? It seems only yesterday that I was given this gift, this gift that has become my refuge. When the world is in turmoil, I can enter my thoughts and sort them out. I feel more at peace after having made an entry. You have become my confidante. To think that shortly after receiving you, I questioned your value. I now know you to be invaluable. And I no longer balk at addressing you as if a real person. Only you know my true feelings, my worries and insecurities.  
  
So, for now, I say goodnight, dear friend.  
  
Hakurei-chan: Arigato yet again for your review. I hope you can manage to find time to update again soon.  
  
~*A/N: So there's a nice, long chappy for y'all. I'm beginning to wonder if anyone is reading this besides my dear Hakurei-chan. "Is there anybody out there?" Tehe... gotta love Pink Floyd. So, if you're reading this, please review - I need some feedback here! Whether you love it, hate it, or are just indifferent, let me know! Ja ne, minna!*~ 


	9. Rage

~*A/N: Attention minna: Suncoast now has pocky! I was xmas shopping today, and detoured to check out the anime and manga, when I saw box upon box of those yummy little sticks! I was so excited, for a minute I was tempted to jump up and down and scream like a school girl. Then I realized that I'm not some drooling little fangirl, so I just smirked. Enough rambling, another day, another chapter. Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: *shakes head* Nope, not mine.  
  
WARNING: Graphic violence. Readers with weak stomachs should not read.  
  
Chapter 9: Rage  
  
One Year, Two Weeks  
  
The battles with the ningen of the Hosokawa clan have been raging for two weeks now. I have been surprised at their tenacity, and the reinforcements they seem to pull out of nowhere. Everyday we have ended up on top, although the numbers of our survivors have dwindled with each battle. Today it all ended. We are victorious. The filthy murderous ningen are all dead. We left none alive. For some reason, I don't feel joy at this ending. I recall the day's events through a haze of forgetting, and wish to get them down before I forget them all together.  
  
Gendo had allowed me to begin fighting after the first week of battles. He, as well as the others who had observed with us, joined me in fighting. It felt good to sink my teeth into soft human flesh, to hear their futile screams as their vital organs were pierced through. The metallic taste of blood only fueled my hunger. Today, during the battle, I spat the corpse from my mouth, blood mixing with my saliva and dripping from my jaws. I glanced around, looking for a new target. My eyes settled on a small form in a kimono, lying on the ground, covered in blood. The body of a wounded inu youkai lay half-covering her. My eyes shot open. It was Rei. I instantly transformed back, scooping her body up into my arms. I locked eyes with Gendo, who merely nodded and returned to the ningen he was gnawing on.  
  
I leapt high, almost flying back to camp. When I reached it, I summoned the servant nearest me, and she obediently followed to Rei's tent. I layed her down on her bed, and the servant moved to remove her kimono. I sat back on my heels, watching intently as the woman located Rei's wound. It seemed she had been stabbed in the stomach. If not for the slow rise and fall of her chest, one would think her already dead. The servant then caught my eye. She was an elderly inu youkai, and she bustled about cleaning the wound and dressing it. During her ministrations, Rei started to rouse, mumbling incoherently. Once finished, I dismissed the servant. Assured we were alone, I gently touched Rei's shoulder and called out her name.  
  
Her green eyes flashed open, shining warmly, and she smiled at me. I had to restrain myself to keep from yelling when I asked what she had been doing on the battle field. She turned her head away shamefully, telling me that she and a few other servants had gone to pull the wounded. She had been trying to drag a soldier away when a ningen had stabbed her with his sword. She had struggled on for a few steps before collapsing, the weight of the soldier dragging her down. After finishing, she still refused to make eye contact with me. I reached out and turned her cheek, looking deep into her eyes. I asked how she felt. She smiled again, warmth again touching her eyes. She said she felt better now that I was there.  
  
Suddenly, the old youkai servant appeared at the door, clearing her throat. She beckoned me outside. I acquiesced, seeing that, for the moment, Rei appeared to be out of danger. I couldn't have been more wrong. The servant informed me that although Rei had youkai healing powers, that no one could survive with the amount of blood she had lost, not even I. I felt my stomach turn to stone, a cold feeling spreading through my limbs. I felt, quite simply, as I do now - empty. I nodded to the servant, and sent her to fetch Rinsuke.  
  
Upon re-entering the tent, I tried not to show any emotion. The sight of her there, breathing with effort, her face pale, brought an onrush of feeling. Guilt, despair, and anger fought for control. I had not been there to protect her. She was a dear friend, and I would lose her. Those damned ningen had killed her. Anger began to win out, until I heard Rei rasp out, "Sesshomaru-sama."  
  
I ran to her bedside, and kneeled, taking her hand in mine. It was so cold. "So cold," her words echoed my thoughts. "Why is it so cold in here?" I covered her with her discarded kimono, hoping it would return the warmth to her body. My mind nagged at me that her body would never be warm again, that I would never be able to bury myself in that warmth again. The emtiness returned again. I was brought out of my thoughts by Rinsuke's disparaged cry, "Rei-chan!" The child flew from the door, throwing herself onto her injured sister. Rei smiled warmly down at the girl, stroking her hair gently.  
  
"Don't worry, Rinsuke. Rei will be fine. Isn't that right, Sesshomaru-sama?" Rei turned her smiling eyes towards me, pleading with me to confirm her statement. Not just for Rinsuke's sake. I noticed a tinge of desperation tainting those eyes.  
  
"Right."  
  
How could I? How could I have lied to them both? Rei thanked me with her eyes, and Rinsuke turned to throw herself on me, arms locking around my neck. "Arigato, Sesshomaru-sama. Rinsuke could not live without Rei-chan," the young girl sobbed. She was crying. I had never seen her cry before. Not when her mother had died and she had been cast out into the world. Not when she arrived at our door, dirty and disheveled. Not when she was put to work as a servant for the most feared youkai in the land. Not when she was dragged to war to cater to soldiers. Not when she saw the corpses of those same soldiers, or the bloody wounded being dragged into camp. Now, when her sister lay dying, she cried. I had lied to her, told her she would be fine. And she was crying. The guilt weighed even heavier on me.  
  
I unlatched the child's arms from around my neck, and she mumbled out an apology, her cheeks turning red. I watched her, until Rei coughed. It sounded of fluid, and when Rei pulled away the hand she had used to cover her mouth, blood speckled her palm. It would not be long now. Her lips were already fading from rosy pink to purple. Her skin had lost all of it's rosy hue, and her pallor was ghostly. Her eyes looked from her palm to me, and understanding dawned in her eyes. Then I saw the most disturbing thing I have ever seen in her eyes. First, there was the look of fear, and tears pooled in her eyes. Then her eyes darted to Rinsuke, saddened, allowing a tear to burn a silent track down her pale cheek. Finally, she looked to me again, smiling. In her eyes I saw acceptance, and peace. She had accepted her death. She turned to her sister, touching her hand, "Rinsuke, you must be a good girl. Never give Sesshomaru-sama reason to be angry with you. Always follow orders given to you. Do you understand?"  
  
"Hai, Rinsuke understands," the child clumsily nodded, her eyes wide with confusion. Rei was again taken by a fit of coughing, and lay back, her breath shallow and raspy. A trail of blood led from the corner of her mouth. Rinsuke squealed in horror, burying her face into her sister's kimono. It was better she didn't see it.  
  
"Sesshomaru-sama, please take care of Rinsuke," she whispered. Rinsuke had not heard, or if she had, was unconcerned. The child did not move. I nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment. "Domo arigato, Sesshomaru-sama," she again whispered, exhaling a ragged breath. She lay still after that, never again taking another breath.  
  
Her stillness aroused the sobbing child, who stood and stared at me accusingly. "Sesshomaru-sama lied to Rinsuke! He lied to Rei, too! Sesshomaru-sama lied!" she screamed at me. I held out a hand to her, begging her to understand. She turned and fled the tent. I sighed, turning to the body of Rei. Her once vibrant green eyes now stared upward, glazed over with a milky hue. Her wavy auburn hair spread limply around her head. I reached out and closed her eyes for the last time, inhaling her scent so I could remember it always. I touched her stone-cold hand for the last time, then reluctantly stood. I called a servant to handle the body, and headed eastward. I figured that Rinsuke had merely gone to find a place to hide, to sob until she had worked out her grief and anger.  
  
I was needed at the battlefront. How right I was, I didn't know until I arrived. Our forces had been depleted, many fighting with major injuries. I instantly transformed, throwing myself into the fray. I worked out my anger and frustration on the helpless ningen around me. I was startled out of my blood lust by an anguished cry. It was my father's voice. Without thinking, I rushed to his side. He was no longer in his "true" form, and he clutched a bloodied body to him. The scent in the air told me it was my mother. Even with all the blood around, I could still discern hers from all the others. She was not moving, and his eyes confirmed my suspicion that she was dead.  
  
I saw red, my fury consuming me. I gave into the rage, and mercilessly killed any ningen left standing. Before I knew it, all of the Hosokawa clan on the field were dead. Still unsatiated, I found myself heading eastward. Halfway to the Hosokawa camp, I noticed the prescence of Gendo, Abunai, and Kiri beside me. We reached the camp, and slaughtered every last one. My rage was fueled by every body I sunk my teeth into, by the bitter taste of their blood. First, they had taken my friend, and now, my mother. These evil ningen would pay. I slashed with claws, my jaws dripping poisonous saliva. I ripped tents up, exposing injured men laying on cots. I eagerly sunk my teeth into flesh, savoring every scream and cry. When all lay dead, I looked to my comrades. All were covered in blood, the smell of it filled the air. Blood dripped from claws and teeth.  
  
With a nod, we turned and headed back westward. As we crossed over the battle field, we all transformed from our "true" forms. It was a silent march back to camp, and I absently sucked on my claws, still savoring the metallic taste of the ningen blood. When we reached camp, I wanted nothing more than to sit in my tent and drown my sorrows in a warm bottle of sake. That was not to be. I was immediately greeted by a servant, wringing her hands in worry, her eyes darting around anxiously. "Sesshomaru-sama, the girl Rinsuke has gone missing!" I shrugged this off, and told her she was probably off somewhere grieving for her sister. The servant shook her head, and explained, "One of the men, he saw her run eastward, and called out to her. When she didn't stop, he followed her. He lost her trail, and by the time he found it again, he was too late. He found this." She held in her hand a child's kimono, torn. I could smell the stink of ningen on it.   
  
In her other hand was a note. "This brat we take in exchange for all the men we have lost. She may not make up for the soldiers and slaves you slaughtered today, but our master may at least be appeased by this present. She belongs with her own kind, anyways." It was signed with the Hosokawa crest. I crumpled the note in my hand, growling. She had not been at the Hosokawa camp, I was sure of it. The note indicated that it had been written after our attack on the camp, at any rate. I took to the air then, hurrying north to my father's camp.  
  
I found him in his tent, bowed over the form of my mother's body. I kneeled beside him, eyes to the ground. It took him awhile to acknowledge my prescence, and I looked up to meet his eyes. I was shocked by his haggard expression. He suddenly seemed very old and fragile, this "Great Lord of the Westernlands". "She's gone," he mumbled, his expression lost. I touched his shoulder gently, he seemed unaware of my existence, eventhough his eyes locked with mine. He was looking right through me. Aware that he would be of no help for now, I rose and left. At the door, I halted and turned back to say a farewell, but bothered not. His eyes were still locked on the place I had just occupied. No, he didn't even see me there.  
  
Outside, I ran into Gendo, Abunai, and Kiri. They also had come to pay their respects. I showed the note to them. Their response was not inspiring. "After we have returned to the castle, after she has been buried and he has grieved, then pose this question to him. They will not kill her, for she is of their kind. Besides," Kiri smirked at this, sliding her eyes to look at her brother sideways, "we have something Hosokawa will want back."  
  
I cocked my head sideways, a blank look of confusion on my face. I was too tired to hide my feelings, and I have no need with family. Gendo placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, explaining, "Before we slaughtered all of the murderous ningen," he spat when he said the word, "our men took a prisoner. Apparently, she is a neice of Hosokawa, and is skilled with healing herbs. She was brought along to aid the injured." He smiled a conspiratorial smile at me, and I felt the corners of my lips pull up of their own volition. "We have a bargaining chip, my Lord."  
  
My rage has now subsided, and, oddly enough, I feel at peace. I know eventually I will grieve for all I have lost, but for now, I am focused on one thing. Retrieving Rinsuke. What is mine shall be returned to me, at all costs. If I must march an army to Hosokawa's castle, I will. Although, it won't be necessary.  
  
After all, we have an excellent bargaining chip.  
  
Master Akane: Arigatou! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one concerned with historical accuracy, even in a little fanfic. Pocky for you!  
  
ReizoIuka: *blushes* Domo arigatou! I really appreciate it! Here, some pocky for you!  
  
~*A/N: *dodges things being thrown at her* Okay, I know you all hate me. But I had to do it! Honto! Don't hate me, onegai? Instead, review and tell me how angry you are! Happy Thanksgiving! Ja ne, minna!*~ 


	10. Loss

~*Gomen nasai, minna! I know it's been longer than normal between updates, but so much has been going on lately... and Christmas is still coming. *sigh* Well, you don't want to hear about my problems, you came here to read! So here it is, the next chapter, long overdue. Enjoy!*~  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nope, not mine.  
  
Chaper Ten: Loss  
  
One Year, One Month  
  
The return trip went by much faster than the original journey. We returned to the castle late last night. I was happy to slip into the hot springs, allowing the warm water to soothe my aching muscles and wash away the grime from the trip. As I soaked, thoughts of Rei returned to me. I cried for her, finally allowing myself to feel the sadness of loss. Every moment we spent together in the past year flashed through my mind - Rei smiling, her soft caresses, her kisses, the way her eyes rolled back slightly as she reached ecstacy. I feel a dull ache in my gut, a lingering pain from the sharp stab of sorrow I felt last night. Thinking about Rei made me recall my promise to her, her last wish. Rinsuke. I must get her back safely.   
  
My mother's body was cremated before we broke camp, and her ashes traveled back with us, my father clutching the urn to his chest the entire time. We buried her remains in the garden this morning, erecting a miniature shrine below her favorite sakura tree. Father remained stoic, so I held back my tears as well. He has spent the hours since in his quarters, refusing to face anyone. Servants have left food outside the door, but he hasn't touched a single tray.  
  
Following the ceremony this morning, I followed my father's example, and headed to my quarters to grieve alone. Again I recalled every waking moment spent with a woman, reaching far back to childhood. I remember her smile, her patience, playing, singing, her understanding, her strength. Again I cried for a woman I knew. Two lives lost, for what gain?  
  
After taking my noon meal alone in my quarters, I went to check on our little "bargaining chip". She is perhaps five years older than I, young even in ningen standards. Were I not so repulsed by her heritage, I would find the onna attractive. She has long black hair she wears loose, and her many colored and layered kimonos show her noble stature. She wears a smile, eventhough I know she is full of despair at the present situation. I cannot wait until we exchange her for Rinsuke. If only my father could pull himself out of his grief.  
  
The ningen has been put to work in the kitchens, and upon further investigation, I found that she was the one delivering my father's food. I watched undetected as she brought his evening meal, meekly knocking on the sliding screen door, and announcing the arrival of his food. She kneeled there for a minute, but no reply came through the door. Not a sound could be detected inside. With a sigh, she stood and left. Something about her seems frustrated, her walk tainted with resignation and despair. As if she actually cared for my father's condition as a loyal servant.  
  
A terminal failing of the ningen, to harbor concern for others. We youkai are far more particular about those we allow to enter our walls, to pierce our shell. I have to laugh, re-reading that comment. I find that I had behaved oddly like a ningen, allowing Rei and Rinsuke to matter to me. I mustn't allow that to happen again so easily. I will not allow this to effect my mission, though. A promise is a promise, and one made on a deathbed is not to be taken lightly. When Rinsuke is returned, I must remain strong and not allow her to affect me. No one but my future mate will be allowed to do so.  
  
Despite my loss, I feel the dull ache abating. The strong fire of hatred is filling the emptiness inside my mind. With the exception of Rinsuke, I despise all ningen. Even my "bargaining chip". I need her, so I must force myself not to recoil in her prescence. A strong hunger for her blood fills me, and I am struggling to suppress it. She will do me no good if she is dead.  
  
Although I feel grief, the hatred is much more pleasant, so I focus on that. Suppress the grief, the loss. Fuel the fire of my hatred. Cursed ningen. Their pride brought their death, as well as the death of the innocent. If they had acquiesced, all of this mess could have been avoided. They brought this fate upon themselves. Death to all ningen! I will never again take pity on the pathetic beings. Their weakness is my strength. Their death shall be my life.  
  
Idly, I wonder what happened to the grief for my mother and Rei. No matter, grief is a weakness I cannot afford.  
  
Master Akane: Pocky is the food of the gods! Regarding the "new" character, I wonder if you now know her identity? If not, worry not, all will be revealed in the next chapter!  
  
~*A/N: Yay, another chapter done! I probably won't be able to post chapter 11 until the 26th, so at least I'm warning you this time that it will be longer than my usual week. After all the chaos has settled, I should be able to return to a regular posting schedule. Gomen again for the long wait, minna! Ja ne!*~ 


	11. Outrage

A/N: So, hehe, I know it's been awhile... dodges things being thrown at her OK, it's been eons. There's just so much going on right now, Vegas, weddings, boyfriend... all monopolizing my precious writing time. Damn them, damn them to hell. Well, here it is, the long awaited chapter. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Still not mine.  
  
Chapter 11: Outrage  
  
One year, two months  
  
A month has passed, and my father is slowly regaining his strength. He began eating again after a week, and also began to leave his room for short periods of time which have grown longer each day. Today he is due to return to court, and I am eager to inquire about pursuing Rinsuke. If I have to lead an army myself, I must get her back. And it looks as if I may have to do so.  
  
I have spotted my "bargaining chip" spending a large chunk of her free time in his company. At first she trailed him, as if she were the dog and he her ningen master. Her humble posture while my father continued to ignore her very existence has been a source of amusement for me. After a week of tailing him in obscurity, he finally noticed her presence. He began to thank her when she brought his meals. Eventually, she walked next to him as he strolled the grounds, sat next to him as he meditated in my mother's garden. Jaken told me he even espied him laughing at a comment she had made.  
  
At first, I believed she was just attempting to get into his good graces, pleading to be returned to her home. Through the gossip from the kitchen staff, Jaken has informed me that she is homesick. Despite this, she smiles and laughs, serves eagerly. She acts as if she is here of her own free will, and that the labor does not tax her. Curious how ningen can be positive in the most negative situations. I suppose her assignments could be more difficult than mere cooking, cleaning, and serving. More taxing labor is best left to males of any species, though. The onna would not last us very long if she were put to work outside. With her inside, I can also keep close tabs on her. It would also do very badly for us to return Hosokawa his niece if she has been mistreated.  
  
It is almost dinner time now, so I will have to finish this later.  
  
I cannot bear it! That mischievous, scheming little onna! To take advantage of Father like this! She saw he had lost his mate, was grieving, and took advantage of the situation. When I went to the dining hall this evening, I was shocked speechless. I was so glad my father had returned to dining with us, the smile I had on my face fell like a stone when I looked around the table. Sitting next to my father, in my mother's chair, looking like she had every right to be there, was that damnable ningen. Had it not been bred in me to not be rude, even at my own table, I would have turned and left the room that minute.  
  
Since I had been seen, manners dictated I must be seated. I did so, grinding my tongue between my teeth to keep from making a snide comment. Father introduced me to her, although I cannot say that I heard her name. Not that it matters, anyway. I tuned out most of the conversation, eating quickly and silently. I excused myself as soon as was proper, then hurried to find Gendo before the evening's council.  
  
The look on his face was not like mine, of outrage and disbelief, but of quiet acceptance. Surely he could not approve! He explained, "This is all a part of your father's recovery, warming his bed will help heal his heart. And if it be a ningen, then that is your father's right to do so. It will be a meaningless affair, and when it is over, your father will look back and laugh at his foolishness in taking a ningen to bed."  
  
A little more at ease, we entered the chamber together, taking our seats and waiting for my father's entrance. He finally arrived, took his seat, and looked at us each one at a time. He was smiling, contentment radiating off of him. It was the happiest I have seen him since before my mother's death. Of course, I understand how mindless passion can numb feelings of grief and sadness. I did the same thing, only with the passion of anger. Finally he spoke, "It is good to be back among you, my most trusted friends."  
  
"It is good to have you back, my lord," Gendo said, bowing slightly from his sitting position. Murmurs of assent and nods rung the room.  
  
We then proceeded to get down to business. After the usual business, I hesitantly broached the subject of Rinsuke. When I told him of my promise to Rei on her deathbed, my father looked at me sternly. "Son, I figured you to be more hard of heart than that. To let two servants get into your heart so, it is unfitting a young lord. However, a deathbed promise is one not to be taken lightly, and I will take this matter into consideration. I will do everything I can in order to assist you in keeping it."  
  
My heart lightened, and I spoke, "Father, you are right. I realize now that I allowed them to get too close to me, and I will see to it that it never happens again."  
  
"Good, now, if there is no other business..."  
  
I cut him off, "Actually, I was thinking of a way to solve this dilemma without further bloodshed."  
  
"Really," he said, chuckling. "And how do you propose we do that, praytell?"  
  
"Easily enough. The onna, the ningen, we captured. She is the niece of Lord Hosokawa himself. He would give much to have her returned to him safely," I smirked confidently. Gendo caught my eye, his eyes wide, shaking his head almost imperceptably.  
  
"Absolutely not!" my father exploded, face red, fangs bared. "That onna will stay in our keeping as long as I find her useful, and I do not wish to give her up just yet."  
  
"But, Father!" I pleaded.  
  
He cut me off, "Enough! I will hear no more of this! Now, if there is no further business?" he hesitated momentarily, to be met by silence. "Good! Council dismissed!" he declared, rising and shooting me an angry glance before leaving the room.  
  
I turned to the rest, only to have them avert their eyes as they stood and left the chamber. I sat there for a moment, contemplating what had just occurred. Sighing, I rose and returned to my chamber, passing by my mother's garden on the way. The sight I saw there I shall never forget. My father kissing that deplorable ningen, locked in each other's embrace, my mother's shrine dwarfed and forgotten behind them.  
  
That onna must go, at all costs.  
  
Reviews revisited:  
  
Hakurei: My problem has been lack of time. Here's an update for you. I'll try and catch up on my reading asap.  
  
Master Akane: Not sure if it's much longer, but here's your update. Finally. I know, I know, I'll try harder to update.  
  
A/N: Whew! Finally. Hope you like it! Ja ne, minna! 


	12. Hatred

A/N: Heh, been awhile, hasn't it? I'm hoping to be an update machine today. We'll see how that works out. Anywhoodle, go read, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Chapter 12: Hatred

One year, six months

In the past four months, not much has happened. It is so boring waiting for father to make a decision. He still spends much time in the company of that ningen, and the mere sight of them is driving me mad. She takes all of her meals with us, sleeps in my father's chambers with him, and has ceased to be a servant. My father has lavished her with gifts; grand kimono and obi, commissioned paintings, and is now in the process of designing and redecorating her own personal quarters.

Gendo keeps reminding me that it's nothing to be concerned over, but his face belies his words of comfort. All in the council seem concerned, their expressions revealing the tension they feel over this dilemma. None cared when he took a servant girl to bed, but this is going beyond a standard affair. Abunai and I have discussed it, and he believes my father to be courting this onna. He has agreed to attempt a discussion with my father. Perhaps he will listen to reason.

Today, while tending to my mother's shrine in her garden, I smelt _her_. That _ningen. _The overpowering scent of sakura and jasmine. Does she not realize that strong perfumes assail our senses? That any scent, no matter how sweet, if applied too liberally is disgusting? I tried to ignore her, focusing on the clean scent of earth as I lit incense and filled the sake basin before the shrine. I bowed and said a silent prayer, asking my mother for the strength not to kill this ningen that had invaded our family.

As I stood and turned to leave, _she_ spoke my name. How dare she have the audacity to speak to me?! What makes her think that she is entitled to speak my name, with no bowing or honorable terms injected?! I glanced at her, allowing the repulsion I feel for her to fill my eyes for a moment before hurrying past. She had been smiling, her head tilted slightly to the side. My father may allow her free reign of the house, but that does not mean she has the right to address me as if she were familiar with me.

I then hurried to our family dojo, eager to exercise away my anger. I summoned Jaken, and focused on evading attacks today, having him attack me physically and magically with his two-headed staff. I refused to stop until he collapsed on the floor from exhaustion. The sun was setting, and it was almost time for dinner. I ordered Jaken to have my meal brought to my chambers as I headed to the hot spring to bathe.

While soaking, I remembered better times. I filled with despair, thinking of Rei. How I missed our times together. Thinking of Rei only brought back my last image of her; deathly pale, blood oozing from multiple wounds, her clasping my hands, eyes begging. This then brought on thoughts of Rinsuke, and my promise. It has been so long, I hope she remains alive. I know not how I shall get her back, and every time I bring up the subject, my father says he has not yet come up with a solution. I have not bothered to reiterate my former suggestion.

After my bath, I returned to my room physically and emotionally drained. I felt pleasantly numb, looking forward to a solitary meal. Imagine my surprise when I found I was not alone. Jaken stood sentinel by the door, a look of fear frozen on his face. A steaming tray sat on a side table near the fire. And on a chair next to it, was _her_. How dare she?! I could not believe the nerve of this onna. I felt my eyes flash red for a moment, and she saw it. Her calm demeanor wavered for a minute, a small gasp escaping her lips. And then I smelt it; fear. Red hot and pulsing, so intoxicating. She feared me, and so she should. I was so distracted by her scent that I almost missed her words.

"Sesshomaru, why do you hate me?"

I could not even dignify that with a response, but I could not contain the small growl that rumbled in my throat. Apparently, she is a very stupid ningen, for she kept talking.

"I do not desire us to be enemies. I realize that you may not understand how your father can care for someone so soon after your mother's death. I am not attempting to replace her. I care for your father very much, and will be with him as long as he allows me to. I want to be friends, Sesshomaru. Will you not be my friend?"

"That is Sesshomaru-**sama **to you, ningen!" Jaken burst out. "It is also proper to bow when speaking to a Lord."

I could feel her eyes, hot on my face, and smell her sadness, but I refused to turn my head to make eye contact. I just continued to stare into the fire. The scent of salt reached me, along with the breath of a whimper, before she fled from the room, the long sleeves of her kimono flailing behind her. I made her cry. Now perhaps she will leave me alone.

I ate my meal in blessed silence, focusing my eyes on the flickering flames before me. I did not feel up to attending council this evening, so I sent Jaken to make my excuses and to bring me a bottle of sake. When he returned, he hesitantly cleared his throat to gain my attention, obviously aware of my dark mood.

"Sesshomaru-sama," his voice wavered nervously as he spoke, throwing himself to the ground and groveling before me. "I bring a message from your father. He hopes that you will feel well enough to join him in his quarters following the council meeting. He says he has a proposition for you."

A proposition, eh? That peaked my interest, and I raised an eyebrow at the quivering kaeru. I told him to return to my father with my consent to the meeting, then ordered him to stay out of my sight. I snatched the sake bottle from his clawed green hands, taking a long drink. I am unsure how long I sat there, drinking and staring into the flames. Before I knew it, I had drained the bottle. I was just considering ordering Jaken to bring me another, when I felt a tingling sensation on my left ear.

"Sesshomaru-sama," a voice whispered in my ear. It was Myoga, one of my father's vassals. Although his minuscule nomi size granted him no great strength, he was a perfect agent for recording information. "Your father has requested your presence in his chambers at your earliest convenience."

I thanked him, sending him back with the message that I would be there momentarily. I have to admit, that sake was potent, and standing up was not something I wanted to attempt at that moment. But when the Lord beckons you, you heed his call. So I stumbled myself down the hall to my father's quarters, knocking on the framework of the shoji doors.

"Enter," my father's voice called out to me.

The servant standing there slid the door open for me, revealing my father's inner sanctum. I had not been in his room for some time. He stood with his back to me facing the fire, his hands clutched behind his back. On a table nearby stood a bottle of sake and three cups. My eyes scanned the room to reveal _her_, sitting straight-backed in a chair a little removed from the fire. I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking my father why she was there. I am not an imbecile, and I had quickly learned that she had become a sensitive point in conversation with him.

"You summoned me, father?" I asked him, ever the respectful son.

He turned to me then, the fire glinting off of his golden eyes. I saw sorrow in those eyes. A moment later he blinked and it was gone. "Yes, son, I did. I do not want you to believe that I have forgotten about the promise you have made. It merely took me time to think of a proper plan of action. I know that you wish for no more bloodshed, as do I. We," here he glanced at the ningen, smiling, "have come up with a solution. My dear, if you would be so kind?" he asked, gesturing to her.

I nearly vomited from the endearment, struggling to restrain myself from the violent outburst that built in my throat. How could he call her 'dear'? How had this evil ningen wormed her way into my father's heart? I turned to look at her as she stood to speak, asking this question with my eyes. She ignored my gaze and spoke.

"I have written to my uncle since your father told me of the girl. He wrote back, informing me that Rinsuke is alive and well, although she continually asks for you, as well as someone named Rei. She has not been mistreated, and is working as a servant in his house, much as I have here. It took some convincing," here she smiled sheepishly, her gaze flickering toward my father, "but he has agreed to return her to you, as part of my dowry."

My elation at the news of Rinsuke's return distracted me momentarily from the last part of her statement. I sobered as the last word sunk in, and I repeated it aloud in question.

"Yes, son, dowry," my father smiled at me, crossing to the onna and resting an arm on her shoulders. "We are to be married. She will become my mate." At these words, she turned her face up to him, smile beaming.

My brain reeled in shock. Married? Mated? But... What?! No, absolutely not! I must have stood there for a minute, emotions chasing each other across my face. I had settled finally into outraged anger when my father cleared his throat to regain my attention. They both looked at me, she nervously, he expectantly. I next did something I had never done in my life before. I questioned my father's decision. I screamed at him, asking if he had lost his mind. Had he told the council? Had he told our family? How would the other tribes react?

"Now, Sesshomaru," he scowled at me, his eyebrows knitting together. "I am your father, and a grown man. I and I alone have the right to choose who I desire to be with, and I love this onna. I care not whether she be youkai, hanyou, or even ningen. I love her for **who** she is, not what. I don't want to speak to you again until you have realized what truly matters."

Without another word, I retreated to my quarters, ordering Jaken to bring me another bottle of sake. Tonight, I feel the need to do some drinking.

A/N: That's it, people! I wrote a nice long one this time. Hope you liked it. Let me know, ok? Ja ne, minna!


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